Script S01E05 – Stalker

 

M: Thanks Ken!

 

B: Glad to be here.

 

K: So you guys are in town to play a show right?

 

M: We are. We just came in last night and for the next two days will be at The Hide In which is an awesome spot to play a show – one of my favorites.

 

K: I see.

 

B: Yeah, we both love it there. Great vibe. The show starts at 7:30 sharp both nights.

 

K: Everyone here at the station will be at tomorrow night’s show, so I’ll be there to cheer Matt and Barb…I mean Barbe on. Alright now, is it Barbee or Barbara, how do you normally get addressed? I’ve heard both.

 

B: Oh, you can call me either actually. Matt calls me Barbee.

 

M: Am I the only one?

 

B: You are, my family calls me Barbara…As you know friends and fans at home call me Ba.

 

K: Ba! that’s pretty cool. Where did that come from?

 

B: In Brazil we don’t do Barb,

 

K: You don’t? Why not?

 

B: It’s a little too close to Barba which means beard. So Ba is just a nickname that’s easy on the ears.

 

K: It definitely is that.

 

M: Anyone that calls her Barb gets scissor-kicked. Be warned Providence!

 

K: Oh my…

 

M: It’s true – I’ve seen it happen.

 

B: You have not.

 

M: Have so, remember stalker Tim the time lord?

 

B: Oh geez…

 

K: You scissor-kicked a stalker named Tim? Did that make him stop?

 

B: Well, it wasn’t quite like that.

 

M: It was a kick though.

 

B: It was a roundhouse.

 

K: You roundhoused a stalker?

 

M: She did.

 

B: Well, I don’t like violence but for self defense, sometimes it’s necessary.

 

K: This sounds like a fine tale, can you tell our audience what happened?

 

B: So, earlier on, I think sometime after my band Pao ended there was this guy who became a bit obsessed with me. He was not the most stable person.

 

M: Barbee’s being nice, this guy was a nutbag.

 

B: Yes. I’m not sure exactly how it started but I was still in Brazil, and this guy was…is an American, so I wasn’t too worried about it. At some point he started posting some stuff on my FB page, and then somehow got ahold of my private email address.

 

K: Oh…

 

B: In the beginning he didn’t send me much, so maybe it was a little creepy, but he didn’t seem threatening at all. Just kind of a hardcore fan.

 

K: What type of stuff was he saying?

 

B: You know, the usual stuff, that he’s my biggest fan, that he was trying to save up money so he could fly down to Brazil to see me perform. Of course, once Pao ended and I wasn’t performing, I just figured I wouldn’t have to deal with him any more.

 

K: Did you respond to him?

 

B: On Facebook a couple times, but never by email. But he started to get more aggressive, and at one point he told me his daughter was a very big fan too.

 

M: And…

 

B: And that she was not doing too well.

 

M: He said she was sick with like cancer or something.

 

B: Yeah, and he said all she wanted was to video chat with me, that it would be a big thrill for her.

 

K: So you agreed to do it?

 

B: I agreed to do it, but it was all a lie.

 

M: He didn’t have a daughter. He just made all that crap up to try to trick Barbee, who’s a very nice person, and wanted to help.

 

B: Aww thanks! He did completely fabricate the whole thing.

 

K: What did he say on video?

 

B: Well the lie made me feel uncomfortable, and once I realized that he didn’t have a daughter, much less a sick one, I should have hung up.

 

M: He told her right off that it was a lie, but that he had something very important to share with her.

 

B: That’s when things got really weird.

 

K: What do you mean?

 

B: Like bizarre, conspiratorial weird.

 

M: This is the best.

 

B: He told me his name, it wasn’t Tim but we call him that for the sake of the story, and that he was abducted from the past.

 

M: The distant past.

 

K: What the hell? Like when?

 

B: Like some time during the renaissance. And that there was this group that had abducted him, called the EXY Corp.

 

K: Exy?

 

M: Yes, E X Y. Exy Corp

 

B: The Exy, apparently this group is from our future and they would travel back in time, abducting folks from the distant past, dropping them off in our time.

 

K: Why would they do that?

 

B: I asked the same thing, but Tim hadn’t put it all together yet. 

 

M: Oh, but he was working on it…

 

B: He thought they were doing it to measure the affects of introducing a shocking cultural change on humans.

 

M: Tim, clearly a scientist, hypothesized that the people of the future had want for very little. The world’s greatest issue, which is the need for abundant, clean energy, was solved.

 

K: Is that really the biggest issue?

 

M: Well on this Tim and I agree. Think about it. If energy is so abundant it costs nothing, you could make any good for little or no cost. No one would go hungry, or want for anything. There would be no need for war, because everyone could provide for themselves.  It’s just not worth going to war when there’s no gain.

 

K: Right.

 

M: And the environment would just keep getting cleaner as a byproduct of abundant energy as well. Of course, there would still be a small minority of sociopaths, but for the vast majority of people, there would be no incentive to aggress against their neighbor.

 

K: I see what you mean. So why would the time travelers be measuring the affect of cultural shock?

 

B: Tim thought that the people of the future, with very little wants, had lost some of the drive that helps humans keep pushing forward. 

 

K: Huh.

B: You see, they had overcome the biggest threats to their survival, and without that struggle, there was no need to keep trying to better themselves or the world. So they just got kind of board which resulted in a very sluggish people. 

 

K: Ok…

 

B: So that resulted in the suicide rate skyrocketing.

 

M: It’s a pretty pessimistic outlook if you ask me. I think once the physical survival elements have been overcome, humans will begin to tackle the more soul inspiring questions. Produce more art. Work on culture and discovery.

 

K: I like to think that.

 

B: No, these, guys just stopped trying. So Tim said these futurs scientists wanted to do something big culturally to shake up the whole world, get them off their couches.

 

M: I fantasize they wanted to dinosaurs into the future. A human predator!

 

K: Disaster!

 

B: I’m not sure about that, but apparently they’re testing what a shocking cultural shift will do on a society…

 

M: And what better way to do that than by bringing someone from the distant past, and plopping them in modern day America. That’ll shake you up!

 

K: Right! So, what I don’t get though, is how you fit in?

 

M: This is the best part.

 

B: Not for me! 

 

M and K: Ha!

 

B: Well he thought that I was also one of the abducted and that we were, uh, married.

 

K: Oh my god. Why the hell would he think that?

 

M: Listen to this! So Barbee came from Brazil about 6 years ago, right? 

 

B: Right.

 

M: Ken, did you ever hear about why she came?

 

K: No, tell me!

 

M: Go ahead.

 

B: I was dating this guy, and we had been together for about 2 years. It started to become clear that he wasn’t the most stable person out there.

 

M: He wasn’t abusive though, right.

 

B: No, but he was really jealous for one thing, and we fought a lot. So, I won’t get into all the details, but eventually I knew we were not a good match, and I broke up with him. And he wouldn’t hear it. It’s like he ignored it. It was very weird. 

 

K: What did you do?

 

B: At first I just stopped answering any of his calls and texts. Basically I cut off all communication.

 

K: Did that  work?

 

B: Not at all.

 

M: He tried to kill himself.

 

B: Right. It was more of a cry for help than anything, really. But he took a bunch of pills and told me was going to do it, so I called the paramedics and luckily they got there in time.

 

K: Wow. You have some tough men stories.

 

B: I do.

 

M: So then Barbara did something amazingly bright.

 

K: What did you do?

 

B: Well, I realized that this would never end as long as I was there, and that the only thing I could do was leave the country becasue he’d have no opportunity to try that kind of cry for help again, if I wasn’t there.

 

K: Good move, did it work?

 

B: It did actually, 

 

M: Yeah.

 

B: And since then we’ve talked. He’s really doing much better.

 

M: He got some help.

 

B: He did.

 

K: You keep in touch?

 

B: We do.

 

K: Ok, so crisis adverted…But, what the heck does this have to do with Tim?

 

B: So my ex boyfriend is named Lex, and his nickname is Lexy.

 

M: But he’s the X boyfriend, so Barbara’s husband refers to him as Exy.

 

K: Oh.

 

B: And one of the first songs Matt and I wrote together is called Exy. And there’s this early live video of us performing, and we’re talking about the song before we played it, it’s dedicated to Lex of course, but I told the story of leaving Brazil for the US to get away from Exy.

 

K: Oh my god.

 

M: So Tim heard this and his twisted mind came up with Barbee running away from EXY, like the corporation from the future, who had abducted her from the past, and thought that Barbee had actually came to the US to find her husband from the past, Tim.

 

K: That’s insane. So then you saw him? He came to find you?

 

B: About a year ago, Tim approached me at one of our shows. He got a little grabby…

 

K: And you kicked him.

 

B: I kicked him.

 

M: Lefty roundhouse, right to the mid section, and Tim went down.

 

B: I don’t know what came over me, I just reacted.

 

K: Good thing you did.

 

M: Anyway, security got him and Tim went all crazy pants with the police.

 

K: Where the heck is he now?

 

B: He’s still in a facility under evaluation.

 

K: Man, never has a more bizarre story been told on these airwaves.

 

M: (Laughing) Barbee’s lived an exciting life

 

B: (Laughing) I know, right?

 

K: Thanks for the entertainment and  everyone listening, make sure to catch these guys at The Hide In. Are you playing with anyone?

 

M: Yes! An awesome band called The Brother Kite that hails from these parts. Get to the show on time so you don’t miss them.

 

K: Well thanks for coming on!

 

M: You bet!

 

B: Our pleasure!

 

K: Up next is The Void Left When I Slipped Away by North To Port.